Note to self: Remember to blog

Just giving you a heads up guys on what to watch for in 2007.
First and foremost..
1. My debut in Monster Fish Magazine.
They have not actually approached me yet but its just a matter of time im sure.
"The Big Flat Fishing Trip" was a HUGE success on Saturday! El Capitan Jesse awoke us on a crisp summer morn (5am to be exact). I was awake all ready as i had not slept in anticipation of the magic day ahead. First mate Davino was less than enthusiastic and probably didnt truley wake properly until maybe 7am when he suddenly got hungry. At that stage he put down his fishing rod and ate his mars bar then spent the rest of the trip falling asleep with a pillow on the deck. I mean who takes a pillow fishing?! Probably a poor choice in first mate.
We found ourselves a couple of old fishermen out in the bay to follow around (we figured they would know all the good spots) I felt like i was reliving my days in the FBI, tailing our suspects from a safe distance.
Back on deck Captain Jesse and myself were reeling in the big catches. (of course none will compare with the one that got away but thats a whole nother blog). Prizes resulting are as follows:
Least Likely to Bait His Own Hook: Dave Moar (what a girl)
Biggest Fight: Jesse Crasbourn vs Sea Slug (a good 20cm at least!!)
Best (and only) Schnapper : Anna Hewitt (and im telling you it WAS legal but i just felt bad so put it back)
Biggest Birdsnest: Anna Hewitt (subsequently banned from casting her own line)
Biggest Fish: Jesse Crasbourn (however the barracuda was hooked in the tail so does that still count?)

All in all a great days fishing!!

2. A report by Hillary Barry on the vast improvement of patients in Whangarei hospital after the appointment of the new (and totally bodacious) clinical pharmacist.

Thats right, get your pants on northland, brush your teeth, buy some deodorant, polish the holden... Anna is returning to "the rei" for one final appearance!
March is the month guys. Im moving out of my flat (tear) and heading up to the winterless north. Where it always rains. And beginning, what could be seen as the best era that Whangarei hospital has ever seen. Me, the brilliant clinical pharmacist. It might be worth mentioning at this stage that i have never actually been a clinical pharmacist in a hospital. and i have been informed that some doctors (and nurses) can be less than accomodating to their input. But hey, my magnetic personality and asthetic beauty have got to get me some points dont you think? And if i wear my Shandy Hat (which you can buy at a great price from my good freind phillipa's blog spot!!) im sure i will be the talk of the town.
Im aiming to introduce Shandy BabyWear into the neonatal ward as one of my first initiatives. What do you think?
Actually , maybe not for the babies with Foetal Alcohlol Syndrome...
Sorry pip but we need to be selective

3. Photos on my blogspot of my up and coming trip to Dunedin

I have been informed by my good freind leighton that he is a member of the 'elite' gay community that resides in dunedin (and here i was thinking that the only elite community of any form in dunedin was that of mosgeil and their leader and our ultimate idol simon or 'spud'.). Its yet to be seen whether leighton in telling the truth or embelishing himself in some way. I may find that when i arrive he is living in a dumpster with speedy, 3 banana peels and a collection of soft toys as his freinds.. Anyway, leighton has decided he is inviting all members of his elite communtiy over to have a sofisticated shin dig of sorts. (im hoping fondue is involved).


Until next Blog,
Rx

Long time no blog

Hello all! Who missed me?? i know, i know, you all did. - and yes pip, i do realise you are the only one who reads this and may or may not be the only one who would actually miss me at all if i never posted again. you really need a hobby you know...
I have not had the good fortune of posting any blogs recently as (again) i forgot BOTH my password and user name. Turns out pharmacists dont have the memory of gods as you may think (well i have the body of one, is that not enough!!?) So i finally got them back (after having to change my password in order to access my own bull shit page.) and im back and better than ever. In this case 'better' will mean 'full of shit'.

Anywhoo... so i have been offered a new job (its all about the cash boys and girls!). So in a month i will be starting afresh and bringing my bright eyes and big ideas to the big city of RICHMOND!! yes , it is just as cool as it sounds. But on the upside: My good freind sara works there also, meaning, yes, if i continue to go to work hungover i will have someone to cover for me. BONUS. (or Boni. which is the plural of bonus)
At this stage i still have to cover for myself when i arrive hung over which is less than easy when you are found slumped in the break room 20 minutes after your morning tea was supposed to end. Trying the old "Peter Griffin" or PG move as i like to call it - i had a bug in my eye and i was trying to suffocate it. - Did not quite cut it. However , im sure if another person said it on my behalf it would become much more beleiveable. We will see how it goes.

I do have a special treat for you all today tho. The much anticipated

Top Tips to managing incontinence::

(i know hayley has been waiting for this with baited breath, lets hope she doesnt wet her pants with excitement)

Firstly and most importantly before we start our list i will give my most effective tip to staying dry:

DONT PISS YOUR PANTS

There you have it. Thanks for listening.

Other helpful tips:

1. Practice your pelvic floor exercises regularly (and try not to raise your eyebrows or open your mouth at the same time. This is a classic giveaway that you are practicing)

2. Aim to drink plenty of fluid each day ( this does NOT include alcoholic beverages as this will have the exact opposite effect desired. And i have found often leads to involountary LOSS of control especially while passed out in corridors of your freinds houses)

3. By keeping away from old folks homes (where the stench of urine surrounds you like a soft warm blanket) we train our noses to identify the smell of urine when we involountarily void. This helps us to train ourselves to stay dry

4. Try to keep away from untrustworthy friends who are likely to punch you in the bladder when you are lying prone and exposed on the couch while drinking. This can cause a loss of control especially when you have told said freinds you are desperate for a toilet card.

5. Avoid drinking 8 cups of tea in a row attempting to break the record of 'most cups of tea drank before needing to pee' (note: i lost)

6. dont have babies. Having babies will not only result in passing a bowel movement on the delivery table in front of your audience, but it will also lead to the enivitable cough/sneeze and pee experience. Not nice.

Apart from that not much has been happening in sunny nelson. However i will give you the lowdown (or 4 1 1 for those cool enough to use that lingo) about news worthy goss in the land of the long white cloud.

1. There are approximately 7 hundred million (yes that is 700000000, EIGHT zeros!!) 5 c pieces missing from circulation. Apparently we were supposed to take them into the bank when they were removed from the currancy. As if any one actually cares. I think the wishing wells around new zealand could provide some much needed answers , also dunedin streets probably have a few dozen glued to them. But is it really worth finding them. you know, actually PAYING someone to collect 5 c coins. is it just me or is that a bit off? However the government is not known for their intelligence is it?

2. The interislander ferry (agianst all common sense) attempted its crossing last night from wellington to picton. No great surprise there except the NINE METRE swell that happened to be present. but all went well (ish).. nine and a half hours later everyone arrived in picton. However it should be noted they ran out of sick bags on the way across. So glad i was not on that trip!! the smell of vomit wafting around the deck making the trip so much more pleasant.

So all in all it was a slow week in NZ news.

Well best be off. My dinner (toast ) calls.

(promise i will update more often in future)

Rx

So that was one giant drag queen with caro and our friend Genna. Cool.
(forgive me i dont know how to rotate the pictures, i find it works well if you tilt your head to the side)
And this is pip doing what she does best....

Mutants - the spice of life!

So after 4 attempts at my password and user name, Im finally back in the blogger business. Unfortunately its far less lucrative and much less likely to turn me into the next big thing than i was hoping. Not surprisingly it only took a week and a half to forget both of these important parts of a blog update but not to worry fans, i have written it down to prevent jepardising my posts in such a way again.

So, without further adue i will fill you in now on exactly what the title of this particular blog title alludes to. Hayley - you may not want to read this next part as it has lots of big words that may confuse you such as 'Book' and 'Reading'.

Mutants. To sum up in one word. Awesome. As an educated proffessional i have recently become interested in the variations of the human form. In particular i had my suspicians about the freaks of the world which have commonly manifested themselves in the inconspicuous forms of gingas (also commonly referred to as fire crotch, carrot and my personal favourite, fanta pants). My good freind Hayley was a prime example of one such mutant who has blended in with the modern human race. So as a result of my recent investigation of these genetic fuck-ups so to speak i have some ground breaking news.(and i do beleive it will confirm many of our theories) As it turns out Gingers are in fact, mutants. It turns out that gingers lack a cruicial gene which codes for both skin pigment and hair colour. Also it was not mentioned in my book, however i concluded that this gene must also code for other aspects missing in gingers such as a soul and the ability for discretion in any situation (both of which are sadly lacking in gingers i know. Case in point, Hayley).
So in summary, as delightful and fascinating as it may be to look at, red hair is in fact of no use at all. Not a surprise really. So gingers of the world, we all know now. There is nothing left for you to do now but lather on the sunscreen and bathe in the pastey glow of your fellow freaks.

Not much else has been happening the wonderful land of pharmacising. ( similar to the wonderful land of oz but with less music and as it turns out the yellow brick road led me to motueka, not a castle. Dissappointing,) But we did get a new pharmacist recently. One word. DORK. Which at one stage someone told me meant a whales penis but i have reason to doubt my source. Seeing as i was 8 years old at the time and it was a boy in the playground who gave me this information. However, it would be handy if it turned out to be true as this man is the biggest dick you have ever met. As it happens he is from southland (invercargill to be precise) so that figures doesnt it. Biggest R roller ever. And i have recently discovered that this is NEVER funny or appropriate to tease about at work. I should have guessed, apparently work is never ever a place to have fun in any way.

Also i am endeavouring to post my first ever photo today. (Partly by popular request by hayley, partly because i found an awesome picture of caroline and a drag queen we met in dunedin when we went and partied with pip). Who also looked particularly photogenic in some of these pics.

Speaking of caroline, i recently went to visit her in Rotovegas. It stinks. Bad. But as a silver lining it is pretty good that you can fluff and no one is the wiser that your fecal coliforms (thank you philippa) are floating in their nasal passages. So the birds were singing, the sun was shining, the mud was boiling, and an old lady with dementia shat in the corridor of the medical ward. Another perfect reason i dont work in hospital. So in summary - what more could i have hoped for in a visit!! It was great!

Well i better see if i can post these pictures.. i hope this works.


Rx

Stay tuned.. next time My new flatmate - who would want to sleep with that?

No one likes a grumpy pharmacist

Its true, they dont. But sometimes i just cant help it. People are stupid. They are.

So Nelson is treating me well. Pity I cant say the same about Mot. Although it is as glorious as ever, the thiving metropolis is, by definition, a hot-bed crawling with real weirdos. Alot of who live in thier vans and may or may not infact be controlled by radio waves. I cant be sure.

Also, if the truth be known, the only reason i have created such a gut wrenchingly sad site with no real relevance or value to anyone at all is so i could respond to my good freind philippa's blog spot. Which, i believe, could be the most brilliant and sadistic site in the known world. However that is just my humble opinoin. And with the curious yet surprisingly addictive antics of my old flatmate Hayley (its like a car crash, i just cant look away) the site brings to life everything we all miss from our Dunedin days. Student life was the shit. And so it must be said, was living with Pip and Hayley. They really did drive me to insanity on a daily basis. I was scarred for life and i do beleive my emotional development was severely and irreversibly damaged. But i enjoyed it i think the neighbours did too!

Anyway i will strive to update this site as often as i see fit. However i cant guarantee that i will remember my password and/or my username. So treasure this posting as they may be few and far between.

Rx